Getting things wrong

“going to the edge of what it means to be human”

This week, I gave a student this list:

1. Write out all the absolute rules you use in music, then break them

2. Write a song in a key with the root note not allowed

3. Write what you think is a “bad” piece of music

4. Write a song with just one chord

5. Write a piece of music without a lead melody

I set this list because my student is struggling with a fear of ‘getting things wrong’, stopping them from even starting at all. They have to know everything in order to begin, right? I empathise. When I was their age, I remember believing that if I had any imperfections, if I wrote even a single ‘bad’ song, it meant I was unworthy of making any music at all.

In reality, you can’t learn without “getting things wrong”, and life exists in context - the circumstances in which your music exists that ultimately inform your music. If you grew up in South London, you might love grime, rap, electronic music. If you grew up in the countryside, you might love a bit of singer-songwriter folk, (or metal ?). If you went to Brit, you know those sweet jazz chords. If you went to Goldsmiths, you probably roll around on the floor eating cassette tapes while shaving your beard.

I got the breaking rules list idea from George Sanders, who wrote that writer’s block, as well as our perception of our own mediocrity, happens because we practice our art in the same ways over and over, so we need to break old habits:

So why does “doing things wrong” work? Well, despite how art currently hyper-exists under capitalism (competitive, utterly soul-destroying), we know deep down in our souls that art is really all about self-expression. We know that even if a single person never sees the things we make, we still make them in the dark. We do make art for ourselves. And self-expression happens through something called ‘growth’.

Psychological Growth

What is “growth”? It’s a big word with lots of different ‘contexts’. I guess I’m talking about artistic growth, which also coincidentally mirrors psychology growth (or are they the same?). My ultimate belief is that while we cannot control what happens to us, we can control how we react.

So, if art is about growth, how does growth happen?

Growth happens through “mistakes”, or rather, something I am willing myself to understand at the moment, “being human”. I’m doing a lot of work on ‘Common Humanity’, something that in sociology, means we cannot exist without the ‘context’ of each other, and in psychology, means that one of the most important elements of self-compassion is the recognition of our shared humanity…that to live is to make mistakes.

I’m going to go one step further. “Getting things wrong” is subjective. Think about yourself and your friends, or family - you disagree on what it means to be moral, right? At the core of it, if you were honest with each other, you fundamentally disagree. You gossip and talk about people “getting things wrong” and disagree, outwardly or inwardly, over how ‘wrong’ some things really are - one of you understands someone’s behaviour, the other finds it abhorrent. How could they possibly make that mistake? And then if you dig, if you really dig, you probably have your own trauma around that mistake. Initially, our gut instinct makes us view everything through the lens of ourselves.

So I’d actually argue that “getting things wrong” also means finding, stumbling upon another way to see, accidentally using another pair of eyes, finally knowing what it means to look through the eyes of those you once judged. It means broadening our own perceptions and horizons, it means learning new things. Much like art itself, it means distorting the lens.

“the lens deforms it as lightning” - Blue Bucket Of Gold, Sufjan Stevens

‘Getting things wrong’ allows ourselves the imperfection to finish something. Perfection is an impossible, unattainable goal. It is not human at all.

This is something I know all too well - if you pursue perfection, you stop doing anything at all over fear of being imperfect. You don’t really live.

And here’s another word - ‘limitations’. We are all limited in some way or another. Our circumstances limit us - we have to make the rent, we have to have a stable country to truly thrive, there has to be enough food, we have to be nurtured while growing up, we have to be around people who inspire us to be our best selves.

I learned about the concept of limitations from a lecturer at uni, something that has really stuck with me. He spoke about limitations producing some of the greatest works of art.

Here are some of my favourite “limitations” in music:

4-track Tape Machines

Back in the day, musicians had to get real comfortable with mistakes. No easy comping, no easy cut and paste on a computer. This made the music dynamic and live.

Punk

Punk existed because people were pissed off with prog-rock, wealth and hi-fidelity recordings. Punk is pure expression - do I care if this guitar part is messy, noisy, loud, ‘wrong’? No, I fucking do not.

Silence

Mark Hollis said, “I like silence. The silence is above everything, I'd rather hear one note than I would two, and I would rather hear silence than I would hear one note.” Think of the most technical player you know. Do you like their songs? Odds are, too much is happening in them, unless they’ve really learned to harness the limitation of ‘space’.

So - mistakes, growth, limitations. Embrace them all.

This week, a friend said to me,

“Yes, you are struggling, but stability is also a struggle, more than we see. People who are ‘stable’ aren’t necessarily happy either. Through doing music, you are confronting things, you are going to the edge of what it means to be human”.

And that has really stayed with me.

So to every artist out there - the ones making money and the ones who never have, the novices and the self-described ‘beginners’ - know that although the path is ridiculously hard, now more-so than ever, and it feels like everything progressive and good and joyful and expressive is under attack right now, and sometimes it is hard to convince yourself your life matters - know that you are going to the edge of what it means to be human, which is the whole point of being alive. No matter the outcome, you got this far. Don’t stop now.

x

P.S - Sufjan Steven’s album is out today (and he covered a Neil Young track !!!). He’s recovering from a serious illness and is learning to walk again. Although sometimes being ill is just shit, and nothing else, I hope that this experience can be transformative in its own way, especially for the King of Growth. Big love, Sufjan.